The Big Four Gym Exercises

Sometimes it’s difficult for beginners to go to the gym. There are millions of articles and blogs about different workout routines, programs, and advice when it comes to the gym. I am here to cut away all that bullshit and give you the most important four exercises in the gym.

“Care for some unwarranted advice?”

Like many gym bros, I like a good workout with biceps and triceps,  but I am here today helping beginners solely out of the goodness and purity of my heart. I present to you, the big four of exercises. Not to be offensively confused with the Fantastic Four.

Note: This is not a guide per-se, but this also isn’t not a guide.


#1) Deadlift:

Unanimously crowned the king of all exercises, this is paradoxically the simplest of all. The barbell is at your feet and you pick it up. Don’t you wish all tutorials were that easy?

This exercise makes you feel like a beast. It gives you the satisfaction of ripping iron from the ground and standing up straighter and taller than a pitched tent. This exercise is also the king because if you are like most normal, which I know you are, this is the exercise where you could lift the most weight!

You heard that right! This exercise is where you can pull the heaviest iron – AKA the best version of yourself.

“I’m gonna be somebody today!”

This lift entails you getting down into a bent over position and lifting. For added effect and all around supreme douchebaggery, make sure you scream and drop the weight at the top of the lift. Don’t even take the weights off when you’re done – that’s what the workers and beginners are for.

#2) Squat:

In the recent years, many jokes have surfaced regarding all gym bros don’t do legs. As a result, there have been an increasing amount of gym bros claiming blasphemously that they love legs. These individuals are liars.

Nobody likes to do legs. Why? First off, you don’t get the holy grail of the gym – the pump. Second off, it’s the most difficult and strenuous workout routine by far. Third and most importantly, where do people feel and squeeze your sexy muscles? Hint: it’s not your leg. (Third leg maybe).

However, we at Reclaim Masculinity are not most people (pussies). We do legs not because we care about doing legs or even want to do legs, we do legs for the most practical reason of them all.

 

If you skip legs you will become a two-dimensional shape with arms

If you don’t want to look like a pussy isosceles triangle with five-inch cannons, you better do legs. Also there has been extensive research and studies that show that squats increase testosterone. Everyone knows that testosterone is the magic serum that Captain America was injected with so if you want super serum, do some super squats.

#3) Overhead Press:

This is the lift that is often forgotten in the big lifts.  The overhead press is the equivalent of everyone in Maroon 5 not named Adam Levine. We at Reclaim Masculinity are here to change that. The overhead press has everything that you want in a lift.

It has a beast lockout position that looks like you are lifting the world and ready to slam in on the ground.

Clearly an overhead press competition. Also kind of looks like boobs.

The overhead press is a shoulder exercise, which will give you a sick shoulder pump that’ll make you feel like you’re too wide and too arrogant to fit through any doorway. Not to mention this exercise will give you shoulder striations so cut your shoulder is going to look like a sweet sweet turkey on Thanksgiving day.

Don’t know which is which but I know they’re both yummy

#4) Bench Press:

The cream of the crop when it comes to lifting. This is often the first lift that gym beginners do when they step foot into the gym – and for good reason. This exercise lifting motion is one of the most basic human insticts known to man.

There is this giant bar that is about to crush me. I will pick it up so that I do not get crushed. This is so basic that even babies know how to bench press. Trust me, I know from experience.

Finally, a baby who knows how to bench. Form could use some work but at least he brought a lifting buddy!

If the deadlift is known as the king of all exercises, the bench press is the prince. Doesn’t have any of the responsibilities or useless virtues that the king has like work ethic or accountability, but can lay back, look good, and nail princesses.


Now you know the four big lifts in the gym so you don’t look like a scrub. You don’t know how to perform them, but you know something even more imporant – the essence of the lifts. You’re welcome.

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